neuroticallyme

I was making tea and as usual my brain thinks about every other million things. And suddenly I thought of this:"what makes me, me?" Okay, I was supposed to continue this last two days but reently I have slept mighty early.. hehe. Too tired during the day could be. Always give my all at work. sampai malam mata ngantuk. Anyhoo, let's continue, Well, the thoughts on the above topic came about because I am very introspective person. I always reflect upon how am I doing today? what is my current emotional and physical state and health? Why am I acting the way I was? And this came to mind. When I analysed and ponder upon it I realised that it has got something to do with my family background and how we were raised, I look at both my mum and dad, I inherited a fair share of both characteristics. Even though, by the law of science, there is no such thing as behavioural inheritance (accept for the criminal genes, where i have came across, when studying forensic science),  ...

Have you ever been in a situation where you never even thought of liking a friend that much but ended up accidentally falling for him for all the things you like about him? ( like, wow, he really is something special I have not seen in most young man these days) And not long after that, things happened, when at first, it feels right but then stuff got weird ( some of it could be my own faults) and I somehow feel like he doesn't want me around him at all? This is not a good feeling to have. It has been 7 months since the first approach, I still can't quite get over it. No matter how much I try to resist that feeling or ignoring. At the end of the day, before bed, at work, I still think about it. At night yesterday, I was sleeping and thinking at the same time, result is I don't really sleep. I was sleepy at work, but still managed to do work actively thanks to all the workouts.. Almost at the end of the year now, wonder where this leads? Why did our paths crossed in ...

Ternyata kita manusia yang tidak lari daripada sifat kelalaian dan kesilapan. Bila tiba masa reflection selepas solat, banyak perkara yang difikirkan terutamanya dosa2 lepas yang terjadi dengan sedar dan tanpa sedar.. Terfikir, bolehkah saya tebusi semua kesilapan? Mampukah saya maintain dalam keadaan yang baik baik saja? Semuanya menjadi tanda soal, bila lama difikir mula menitis air mata... Banyaknya perkara yang kena improve spiritually. Kagum dengan orang yang live fully by the religion respectively. ( impikan suatu hari nanti, I will be as such too)

Is it rare to stay loyal to someone you like/love? I realized these banyak kekurangan sifat tersebut. Selamba dek melayan orang lain walaupun dah kahwin.. Feel like there is a,lacked of common sense on how their partner would be thinking/feeling. I for one think that being loyal is important. For the past few relationships I had, I am always dead serious and committed to my then partner. Somehow, they were notas serious as they claimed. I will always aim for a legit tie whenever  am in a relationship.. Lol.. I am not one who play games or having  bf for the sake of having one. I took relationship seriously. I guess they just find me intensed in that sense. Oh well, now I know I can't really trust man's words.. After a few disappointments, I am not ready for another one. Next time it will be a serious one hopefully. I am not getting younger, for sure I don't have time for game. You are either in or out.. There is no in between..

Tak sedap hati, gerak hati, petunjuk? hmm peliknya perasaan. malas nak fikir. go away feelings. I don't like to be in this mode. A lot of job done. But somehow, somewhat it always there in my mind. why is it still there? it has been months, why can't it just go away? kadang2 tak tenang dibuatnya, keep praying to be removed if it's not destined to be so. But why is it still here. Kepelikan.

I am officially tired, fatigue. Today is my final day of a full 7/days a week job, for the past 4 weeks.. As much as I love to work, I do believe in getting enough rest. I know I'm currently completely exhausted cause I can't think straight anymore  My brain has been working hard, so does my tummy. All 3 parts of them.  the duodenum, jejunum and ileum from  All the food I took when in need of adenosine triphosphate for physical.use or for neuron transmission cause I think a lot. Well eventually we do need a lot of ATP  to do a lot of other things. It all relates, the CNS system is one of the most amazing system i have ever known. Tak boleh stop bila cakap pasal sains ni.. Anyhoo, I decided to again go watch a movie alone..cause im kinda introverted, i love to spend time alone, its my way of recharging, be it hiking, running, swimming, shopping.. I do mostly by myself. Today im watching jack reacher, last i watched when i was still in uni. For some reason, I l...

On the 10th of October, My 7th nephew was born. He has a rather a unique name when you translate it to english it would means, confirm a winner. It was my eldest sister's 2nd child after 9 years of giving birth to her first born.So I can only imagine how happy she is now. and also my parents. I am also anxious for the baby to come out because I am excited to see that sweet little face. :) Being in the same house with my sis, and seeing her went through the pregnancy and second time mother to a baby just makes me even more impressed with all the mothers in the world.. Imagine going through the morning sickness, mood swing, stressful situation, carrying a living creation in your amniotic sac, the back pain (Goodness Having period pain is one of the things I don't really enjoy having especially if it is paired with massive headache- not good not good), Having to always take care of she eats, activities she does, going though hours of contraction, pushing the baby out (ouchie),...

Hehe. Rasa lucu tengok tajuk ni. Tapi terdetik nak tulis sebab sepanjang tolong mak uli doh karipap tadi, deme asyik sembang pasal lelaki dan suami2 kepada orang. I know I mentioned that I don't want to be with anyone now. This post is just sharing on what is my ideal lelaki unggul.. Hehe. Again nak ketawa. Bila sebut ayat unggul .teringat tagline iklan.ni.. Hihi Anyhoo, me, my mum and my sis were talking about how some men being irresponsible father and husband, banyak bergantung kepada isteri je. And also jenis liat nak solat.. ( obviously melihat situasi sebegini yang ada punca sebab saya tak nak kahwin lagi.. Tak jumpa lagi yg betul2 worth it)  sebab kita fikir long term.  cause when we get married, it is sharing a life with another human being, dari sharing the bed, houses, food, and most importantly decision making pun sharing.. Tak lupa kita dah bagi some part of our heart yang fragile ni to that person. I want it to be handle with care and vice versa. Plus my si...

Even the word parent brought about heavily important vibe   Being a parent is not just about feeding the child, but also shaping the being of a child, their personal growth. What triggers me on writing about this even though I am not yet married is the trainings I have assisted recently. I heard a lot of sharing on how kids don't like their parents for forcing them into doing things they dislike and some other rather unpleasant stuff which made me realized it is extremely important to start shaping the kid at their early age. For an example: to live life knowing the existence of choices and being responsible of it, to speak up their opinion the appropriate way, to be committed, compassionate, empathetic of other people, being rational, and always giving the flexibility to again- their choices. At the end of the day, it's their life not ours. Well honestly to me, letting the kids be happy doing stuff they love is better than having the kids feeling stressed, depressed and a...

Saya jenis yang selalu berangan melakukan sesuatu yang tidak biasa orang lakukan. "seorang diri". Tak kira apa kata orang walaupun ada yang kena perli. Kita redha je.. Hehe. Yang penting saya buat untuk kepuasan cabaran yang I set myself. And I count on me. Not people. So biarlah apa orang nak cakap. I'll keep doing it. Mula2 berangan, pastu slowly plan, pastu menjadi.. Itulah kisahnya

It's been 6 months since my last adventure. I'm now aching for another solo trip. I have a few places in my head to go to after september ends. Bali, jogja, phuket or oz. With my sister giving birth soon. I believe I might be a lot more busy. Really hope I could go somewhere, anywhere. I already have 2 confirmed plan next year. Vietnam with family and hiking mount kk with my sis n kota seriemas neighbours. Maybe next year I should really  make my solo europe travel trip a reality.. Hmmmm ( let's berangan2) its affirmation

Aug 28 of every year serves as a reminder of the day I was born. This 2016, I was busy with a lot of programs on my birthday month. Everything is perfectly planned by God that I will have a break on my birthday. I would say it is a sweet wonderful day for me. I started the day off with a quick run on the treadmill. Managed to run full 20 without stopping to walk. Yeayy  and it felt great, nothing painful, it was easy. Then I went straight to.the other machine to tone my arms and leg. And safely finished one hour session at the gym. Right after gym, to cool the sweat off, I played some songs and a few favorite on my piano.. Wee. There went another hour. Had breakfast with my sis and bil and checked out our potential new office. My sis btw, she bought me shirt that I would love to have. So kind and giving. In the 5 love language she scored highest in the act of giving. Meaning, showing love by giving.. So there, proven. Mine would be togetherness and act of service. I love to...

Being real. Not fake, no image. I'm authentic because I have gone through a lot of personal development program. And it helps me in so many ways, I got all the jobs I was interviewed in. People connect to me better. I can sense when people are faking it no matter how much they tried to deny  Ouh well, who am I to judge people. I always love authenticity in a person. It makes everything a lot real, easy and fun. You know what I mean? :) Ps: Day 17 passed--- wish me luck

It's that time when you feel like biting everyone else's head off, throw everything, and sudden urge to clean and tidy up every single thing. everything look messy and you just want to scream. It's crazy. crazy feeling and you will tend to have an emotional roller coaster ride, especially if you are  already in one. it will magnifies the feelings even more.. Helllppp.

I am known for someone that is strong, though people didn't realized I am pretty weak when it comes to feeling and emotions.. I cried easily, even for stuff like seeing kids or homeless people begging, watching bersamamu made me cry,watching animals abuse video, thinking about my mum n dad sacrifices before to brought all 6 of us up, of all the sins ive committed in this dunia, of how weak i am when it comes to moving on from the guy I love. I am pretty weak at all those. Come to.think of it, I suddenly thought of how incredible god's creation is; us, we are able to withstand all those sad phases in our life and still managed to get up strong and we go out again to face this world. SubahanAllah.. The Al-Mighty indeed is the greatest. Every single organism and units in this universe are controlled by the one and only.. Wow. Suddenly came to an awe. With that, though I'm soft on the inside and cry myself to sleep upon heartbreak. I know that I must be strong not just fo...

It's 12.43 am. And I am just lying on my bed getting ready to snooze. I.just arrived home at 12 am from.picc. We are hired to.be the graphic recording team for the blue ocean strategies conference. Kind of a big thing. We have been preparing since sunday. Honestly this is just one of the programs that I will supporting on my birthday month. The U.S team is doing another training and they personally requested me to be part of the team, so macamana pun I make it happen juga..  Sekali check. My task will only stops one day before my birthday and lucky me. InshaAllah I get to celebrate it. And close buddy in the leadership program is having her wedding reception that very same night. So Ill be going. ( should I or should I not look for a saree?) unfortunately i.am not allowed to bring a part. ( cakap macam ada)... Sangatlah busy, facebook pun jarang jengah. Rasa tenang bila tak buka. Kawan2 mesej pun reply gitu2 je  marketing pun xjalan.sgt tapi alhamdullillah orang cari s...

I was often misjudged by some men, close to me or those trying to check me out. I wonder why. I thought I was just carrying a straight face all the time because I dislike cheesy stuff/flirting you may call it. And it's my protective mechanism cause my walls are so damn high. For good reasons. They read it as she is someone very high maintenance,perfectionist, only likes branded stuff, very high standard of the material stuff.. Ouh how wrong can they be. I have yet to find a decent guy who sees me as how I am as person. Firstly, I was not born in a rich family. So I am already used to being in a struggling family. For a start I have 6 siblings, Dad was a policeman and you know how little  they were paid then and to have 6 kids to support is just not enough. And that leads to our family business, I am so lucky, we, the family, are so lucky to have such a talented mum. she can cook and sew, and she cleans very well. I still remember my mum started her food business since I was ...

Blake Lively is a Virgo, Blake Lively loves Baking, Blake Lively has a cute mole on her face. She's married to Ryan Reynolds  aka Deadpool I am a Virgo, I love Baking, I have a  mole on my face same spot. In other word, I need my own Ryan Reynold/deadpool. Merepek tahap maksima. Ngantuk amat after lunch. kerja tak habis, siap kiri, mula kanan. tak pun simultaneously buat dua2 at the same time, yet still tak siap. Bila involve 3rd party byk jadi lambat.. zzzzz. ok.. need coffee. The End. 

Sometimes it takes only one simple line from an article to get you snap out of your unrealistic dream and keep you back on track. I love how that simple line wakes me up from the seemingly impossible pathetic dream.  It's from the hufftington post  and the line is this. " You learn that you complete yourself just fine." And this is so true.. Yeay! This brings out the happy single lady within me.. yeehaa

I am very aware I am one, I work hard and efficiently, if there is a way to make my work even more efficient I will do it. I love my to do list very much, I will even make it into the 4 quadrant of importamt and urgent.  I find that is extremely helpful. Gosh, I did live without to do list for a day. And its completely chaotic with  no clear direction and ended feeling useless and ineffective. I order my food with specific request on.how it should be done. Lol. If it doesnt come out as how I imagined,I will not scold people I just make a point to.whoever is taking the order. Talk about That, the other day I wanted to.order kuey teow goreng. There were  kuey teow goreng daging and kuey teow goreng bali. I was intrigued to.try the latter considering it has anusual name and so I asked  him " apa beza dua2 ni? "  he said :" satu daging"  I said, ok itu saya tau  Bali ni.apa yang special?.. With.his " i dont know how to answer this face, he just said y...

Am interested in working out, sweat crazily, I have this 2016 goals to get fit and,lose a few inches. I think i have made it. But now im addicted to all these fitness stuff. I just run on treadmill at the,gym for 57 minutes,  8.06 km... average speed 9mph.. Rather fast than my usual speed. I realized I let loose today. Because I have been eating lotsa open house food. And teh n nescafe tarik  Yikes!!! Tomorrow I feel like going for a hike at the hill nearby my house again. Tak puas hati haritu kejap je. 2 of my goals,reached, I still have my 2 songs to fully learn how to.play and 11 forensic article to write 4 months left, possible? Errr

I'm challenging myself to do this thing I called OPIG. And I think I'm doing pretty good.hehe. Praying that it will lasts a lot longer than previous attemp.this time, hopefully. I'm chasing happiness for my own emotional wellbeing, because of how I feel.  I do not want to count on people just so I can be in my happy mode. Happiness starts with me. :)

I used to very much despise people who assumed stuff about me that are not true. But as time passed  I realize that why Would I be bothered with what people assumed about me if it ain't right. It also taught me what kind of a person whoever making the comments are and how insignificant they can be for my growth.. To those who loves to assume stuff about people, try this thing called "asking" .. It makes everything less dramatic and straightforward. :)

The more I think The more it makes sense. At this current time, Safeguarding myself is the best decision I could make. Safeguarding from what? Only God knows what. Why does it take too long for me to see that? I'm not sure myself. I can say I was blind then. let it out, let go.. don't keep stuff bottled up inside. That's why I'm writing here and no one sees my blog. I don't think so. Dah lama dah orang tak baca blog orang dengan sengaja. So I will write here. Peace out!

I'm still learning to bake. But it's something I always look forward to doing. It's so easy and yummy. Most importantly when it's homemade, I get to choose what I want to have in the mixture of course, no preservative needed or extra sugar is no no.. All my products that came out from the baking are so far so good and less sweet. Naadiah's signature I called it. Cause I hate sweet like.. extremely hate it. hehe. Well this late afternoon I'll be baking banana chocolate muffin using greek yogurt and honey as a healthier alternative. I'm so excited and looking forward to the final result. How it will taste, smell like? eeeep.. happy me. okay. I will share the recipe in the future. I am thinking of enrolling myself into a baking class if not I will just use pinterest and youtube as my source of information. I'm happy.

Today visit to the school for my niece report card on behalf of my sis brought me back to the time when my mum came and took mine. Back then, I was asked to sit beside my mum, and the teacher will share everything about me in front of me, sometimes even rubbing my head saying I'm a good student. (feeling embarrassed and shy). Now, the students just sit at their own place and only parents/guardian talk to the teacher. (which I think do good for the kid's emotional safety) Back then getting in the Top 10 was easy. And I saw my niece missed only a bit to get to TOP 10 even though her scores are mostly As. Makes me realized, Kids are getting smarter.  Though competition is tough, at the end of the day, attitude says it all. Never be too focus on tip top exam result. There is no point of getting good results if you behave badly towards people.  My niece is as happy as a bundle of Joy as she is. Despite not getting perfect As.  Tudia, repor...

I'm the kind who is good in intrapersonal skill. I'm aware of what's happening to me and always ponder upon them whatever they maybe.. Well in this not so cool day.. I think quite a lot, while accomplishing multiple task at work.. These are the things that are just me: 1. I don't like to be reminded of things I already know. To me, that can be extremely annoying to the point of I would distance myself from whoever that was doing it.. ( It's like I know, why the need of repetition ) no need to stress on a certain.things too much..that gets me overwhelmed somehow. 2. I must have my alone time. Must to.the max. Or else I can blow up or burnt out.. So when I'm having my alone time, I don't like to be disturbed. 3. I believe in.having a work life balance. I believe in giving my 100% in both. Therefore you may find me work like crazy n give the best at home as well. I will always go back and help out my mum, cooking with her, chitchatting with my sis..I even...

It is saturday. And I have decided since the night before I want to go to the movies ( I even planned for my.morning workout routine, n timing in my head and as usual.everything went as planned). I  want to have my alone time again. After such a crazy  2weeks at work..this week everything ended very well..I was happy for so many reasons. I realized "denial is the enemy of the truth" quote from.the movie I watched called Redha..And so I did what I thought was right and I never felt happier.. whatever this thing is which I don't intend to share it with the world.. It makes me happy.. And I would love to keep it that way. I cannot have too much of it nor too little of it.. The right amount will do just to keeping me content. A friend of mine that I happened to become kinda close  with.. i can say, shared something about  following the flow and process and do not push or rush something. Fear the passion and excitement of it might burnt out makes me think a lot about t...

Dear oh dear. This is a really hot topic among malays in malaysia. Yup. Over here, some people still believe that a lady should get married before 30. So they say, if you get married early, you will have more kids and jangan jadi anak dara tua. As a matter of fact a lot of my friends are already happily married. have kid after kid. Hmm, I'm just not really drawn into that so soon. There are many reasons for why I said that: 1. I'm not financially really stable yet (up to my standard at least). I think I should have enough to cover for whatever needed in such commitment. 2. I have not found the right person yet. A lot has happened to the women surrounding myself and also myself, somehow I have build/ create a checklist when it comes to choosing man,. The " what to avoid" list. I'm very cautious in a way.  (There was one past relationship that turned so bad, that I feel like I should investigate a man like a convict, before proceeding further- woww). I re...

The training that I have been working so hard  on in terms of props and preparation with the help of my group finally ended today. breath of relief for a while. In training, I believe that there is always something we can learn from everyone regardles if you are playing the role as a participant or the training team..I realized ( though I know journaling is good but never really practice it) I should journal more. see, when you journal your thoughts, emotions,you will start to notice things that are happening around you, to engage on your emotion towards a certain event, to explore further on the untapped potential you have within you and started to decide what action or steps to be taken next .. Therefore I should really take effective actions to ensure that I am aware of where I am in this stage of my life, what is next, what could be better in my current work, personal life. I mean, I'm not getting any younger, simply going through life without proper future projection simpl...

Maybe it is just my nature of loving facts and data. To me it's a plus point if someone is well versed  on things they really are passionate of or not. ( those who can talk about anything) I don't know many people that are so. I'm not sure if it's just my standard of evaluating people. But I do have a few friends that successfully reached that standard ( without them knowing) .. Tak mau cakap nanti kembang pula .. not to say that I don't make friends to those that are not, I mean everyone in my life brings different experience that I could learn from . I just like intelligent people.. it is an attractive quality to have..because I could exchange thoughts and have good conversations full with data, explanations on a certain theory... I can't describe how excited I am to have such friend. haahh..Feel like writing tonight, just my way of expressing my thoughts and current feeling.. I have been working the whole day.. it's a crazy challenging week to prepa...

Just recently, a friend of mine approached me seeking for advice on her relationship situation. I chuckled to myself I am no expert because I'm having trouble in that department myself.Yikes!!. Anyway, I did my best to support her on making decision. Giving her options and let her see what's possible. and to prepare for consequences. You see, when it comes to your heart, sometimes the brain can't really function well. Dang! it hits me again. This is so me! oh my god! I'm a pretty careful, cautious person. and analyse my every step before anything. But when it comes to love, I become somewhat dumb/ I put my analytical self aside. To me if you already feel it down to your bone, that's something sincere and pure. Anyway, this post is not about me, I actually wanted to talk about women empowerment IN love. Having been in a few relationships myself, I learned quite a lot, the ups and downs of it. Some learning I got from my past relationships are: Always, alwa...

Wow!! Seems like a century has passed. Ouh my . exaggerating much. Let's see my last post was Oct,2013. Now is March 2016. I have been through so much for the past 3 years.Wow!  I can't put into words. (Well, actually not, I am writing now). Anyway, I shall just give a rough summary of what has happened in Year 2014, 2015 and this year. Year 2014 I quit my first job as a claim handler after working there for only 6 months. well not really, 4 months training and 2 months of claim handling. It's not like the job is hard or something, I mean, I am actually quite a good claim handler. I usually will handle the report on time and willing to stay for a few more hours just to get the job done. It's just that the routine of rushing to work in the morning, punch in punch out, lunch, work, rush back home, have dinner and sleep. and doing them all over again bore the day light out of me. Then I realized I can't do routine stuff.. Right after that I actually got 2 off...