Resistance

Have you ever been in a situation where you never even thought of liking a friend that much but ended up accidentally falling for him for all the things you like about him? ( like, wow, he really is something special I have not seen in most young man these days)

And not long after that, things happened, when at first, it feels right but then stuff got weird ( some of it could be my own faults) and I somehow feel like he doesn't want me around him at all?

This is not a good feeling to have. It has been 7 months since the first approach, I still can't quite get over it. No matter how much I try to resist that feeling or ignoring. At the end of the day, before bed, at work, I still think about it. At night yesterday, I was sleeping and thinking at the same time, result is I don't really sleep. I was sleepy at work, but still managed to do work actively thanks to all the workouts..

Almost at the end of the year now, wonder where this leads?

Why did our paths crossed in february? Why is this happening to me?

People that know me well knew that I rarely have this kinda problem cause I don't simply like/ love a guy. I have quite a list to.ticked before I will say, this is worth it.

But yeah, somehow feel hopeless now.
It's sad, I do pray to god for whatever best for me whatever that might be.. God's plan will always be best. Being Tested, learned something n moving forward. This is the common sequence I always experience. And I am anticipating for this one. What will it be?

Ps: when im trying to figure things out, having people trying to matchmake me really isn't the best time..I make my own decision, I don't need a recommendation I don't want.