Sunday, July 23, 2017

Playful dreams

Been having odd dreams of communicating with a certain someone recently. When previously all the dreams with that particular human being were nothing more than just eye contact with no verbal communication.

I guess dream really is one unexplainable existance.  now im wondering how and why there is even a dream in the first place.. What causes it, complete with a full story line.

Hmm (long thinking stare into space)

Saturday, July 15, 2017

I don't get itchy man

So I went for a night trek on friday. I joined a big group..

The hike was all good except for when my colleague started feeling nauseous.. Her face and lips are pale. I asked her to rest and let me know if she is not okay to continue.  But she didn't say much. Then there is this older guy I think 40plus yo.. Came to advice her to keep hiking and encouraging sounds sincerely caring..  And up till a point my colleague could not take it anymore she just stopped.. AndI stopped too. Went completely pale.. One of the sisters offered her two pieces of dates. And she took it.. After that all were good and we're ready to continue hiking..

That's when the weirdness freaky creepy stuff started happening. At first I thought that uncle was just welcoming new people to the team.. And he asked me a lot of questions.   Trying to sound very friendly. And used "I n U" instead of calling himself pak cik...

Well me being me.. I can sense if something is off about a person very easily..  So i started to not answer much
And things got weirder when he will come to where ever that we were resting at trying to stike a conversation..

And till we all went down the hill upon completion...  Before going off he asked for a selfie with us.. And I thought, red flag again..

Not until I was in the car driving, my colleague told me.. "kak nad, saya tak suka lah pak cik tu,  dia letak Tangan kat bahu saya..."

Im like tang tang... My gut was right
. He is an itchy old man.. (sounds harsh but that is the best way to describe it).. 

No wonder lah bersungguh asked me to join for the next hike at angsi..
Lucky I said, I need to check my schedule..

Learning from the trip:

1.Never trust a guy that much, sometimes they have funny business up their sleeves (I never really did)  except for the one I really trust and know how they are as a human being.

2. Always2 bring energy booster during a hike, may not be for me but for people undery care...

3. Bukit saga was easy. I think my second time I could do it up and down in just 1 hour instead of 2.  I will definitely go there again.. Cause it's good cardio and I am so happy I don't really feel tired after the hike. It was an easy one for me.. Alhamdullillah...

Friday, June 30, 2017

2017 All out Raya

Today is 6th day of syawal month and I am having a blast so far. Talk abour raya celebration, there is always a different vibes to it each year. This year was one of the best Raya I had and still having.

For a start, my first time driving long distance roughly 7-8 hours per trip. Then We passed by our former state where we lived in and I got to reminisce on the good old days.  we had almost all of our siblings back to the same kampung... Yeay. Including Yaqqin n sofea.. We rented a homestay because we don't want to burden my aunt and coincidentally my other relatives were staying at her house. So it's a blessing actually to stay at the homestay..

I got to feel how to take care of an active baby yaqqin and had/have a taste of how mum's life is. It's pretty not bad since I love to be in service. I can imagine myself in the future as a well prepared mum.

I did not get any "bila nak kahwin question" kidding.** just a couple maybe but mostly were leading towards "lekaih2 lah" ; "dah cukup umur dah" ; .. Which I know don't feel stressed amymore cause I have come to a state where I know that words are just words unless if we put emotion in it... So I'm pretty alright this time.  Next week is my same age cousin's wedding.. N that left me being the only single 28yr old and unmarried cucu of haji mansur..which im slightly sad because I may not have the chance to hang with my cuz like we used to before. (mostly mesti akan cater to le husband je).. I hope my future the one will not be clingy n always independent n let me do what I want to do.. Hehe..

Excited for the fact that I got the chance to breathe in the fresh countryside's air and listen to the sound of nature and experienced riding a motorbike carried by my other cousin without wearing helmet and looking at the beautiful dusk clouds. Feeling the wind to my face and feeling like I went through the moment in slow mo. .

Feeling so free and carefree.
The feeling was rather heighted maybe because I have been so so busy for the past months that this raya feels like a long break..

Hence one best raya.. Wweee hoo

Tuesday, June 13, 2017

Month 2

Still doing good at this whole moving on thing.

Best way to learn is to experience things first hand. Of all the possible scenarios I could be in. I am now in this one.

Well, time did tell me things, God did show me what I want to know.

And yes, obviously he doesn't bother to care.  And what does that tell me, is pretty obvious.

I've come to learn, staying away is the best decision ever, I finally realized my own self worth.

It's a lie if I say I wasn't hurt by all of what  I've experienced.. When I foolishly thought I had an almost something turns out it was just a fool thoughts of mine. Signals I thought were something were actually nothing significant at all.

Though I did not regret experiencing those. Cause experiences in life is always something I can learn from, be it a bitter or sweet ones.

I am extremely happy with my progress. I'm seriously doing this now. No turning back. no second glance. Maybe I will just stay single forever and adopt orphans. Focus my energy somewhere else.

Honestly, I don't think I am ready for another potential heartbreak. All of it is just energy draining. Lessons after lessons. I think I have had enough of this.

Until my next healing adventure.

Friday, May 26, 2017

My history of moving

It's almost the end of May, and we are supposed to clear our current rent house by 31st May.
Thank goodness our back to back training is done for May. It's been quite a marathon of a month.

Finally I get to pack all my stuff, and thankfully my closet is just small and mobile. So I don't need to worry to pack everything in the box, I just need to carry my wardrobe down and into the mover lorry.

Talk about moving, this makes me reminisce on how we moved last time, My family has a total of 8 people including my parents, so you can just imagine the amount of stuff we have in our house.

Since my dad was a policeman then, I remember him driving that huge police's lorry that they always used to confiscate all the motorbikes with no license and such (just to give an idea of how huge it was). Well, we used a total of 3 lorries to move our stuff from one house to another and it took us months to do that. Reason being, well my dad used to be a bike and car collector, we had about 3 sports car (ford capri) and 1 volvo, bikes I think around 7-8, the vespa range, norton and also another type I forgot the name. and my dad being a legit hoarder had a lot of stuff that he chose to not throw away even if it can be thrown away... Nothing wrong with that, that is just a disorder that he has. We as a family just tolerate with it. and manage accordingly.

Anyway, I remember our first move was from Ipoh to Kampar, around 1 hour drive, Moving from a very small police quarter house, with a slightly bigger space quarter that was owned by the KTMB - the train company, I recall the rental was only 120/month.

I can remember vividly how it was like moving to a new town, the town felt like a cowboy town, because Ipoh was more modern in a way, I felt like wherever we went, the citizens will somehow stare at me, (felt like I was in one of those horror episode of goosebump) okay watching/reading too much horror genre did not help.  Anyway, that uncomfortable feeling of a new place was there.

And since we were staying besides the train station, for the first couple of weeks I had trouble sleeping. the first night, I barely slept. It was hot and humid, because we just moved and haven't got the electricity up and running yet. and we used the candle to make our way around the house. That feeling of being in lacked of resources condition, despite the norm that might think it was uncomfortable, I somehow felt warm and fuzzy because I experienced all that with my family.

I love every moment of it. anyway I forgot to mention, That was our first moving act after staying in Ipoh for around 25 years, imagine how reluctant I was to move to Kampar at that point of time, because all of my childhood friends are there, even my first *cinta monyet* which was another anak polis btw, he has a twin, and between him and his twin he was the shy one. I think both of them went to the police force as well. Last I heard.

Anyway, we had quite a great time in Kampar, I make friends and was very active as usual, and our family was tested with a great vast of challenges in terms of family ties and bonds, my sis got sick believed was cause by something supernatural.

Moving on, we moved to Nilai, after a good 9 years. We moved to one of our sis house. and until now after some moving here and there. My parents remain in Nilai still.

Looking at the type of houses we stayed in, I am so grateful that it has been improved by and by.
It was not easy to have what we have now, And we have our parents to thank for it. My dad - for sending all of us to chinese school, somehow, we got a job very easily due to the extra language we master and our diligence towards our work, My Mum- for paying all of our tuition fees despite having a very challenging job as a hawker, cooking from the morning till night cleaning and such.. oh god, talking about this makes me wanna cry.. my mum is the best.  She has 6, SIX kids to raise in which all fees are almost all the time paid by her.  :'(.. May God bless her and her kind soul. and may she be rewarded with Jannah for all her good deeds she did not just for her kids but to the people around her as well.

That was all about my moving history, I love every single moment of it. and now I am moving from TTDI to Bangsar. I have not really packed anything honestly. Been too busy to pack and now I am finally free-er.  Plus it is a good activity for me to stop thinking about things I shouldn't.

Final words, selamat berpuasa to all. May all of you that accidentally stumbled upon my blog have a blessed Ramadhan

Friday, May 12, 2017


Longing for quality solo trip to places unknown.. Conversing with strangers, challenging myself for something big.

Thrilling and fun..

I'm used to work challenges.. In fact, I'm coined with the phrase "naadiah pantang dicabar"..

Sometimes, I even purposely challenge myself to do something more. Pushed myself to go further like in running.. (I had never run more than 1 minute straight before, and then on my birthday last year I pushed myself to go for full 20minutes non stop and boy I was happy)

Plus, I need a great distraction to overcome the existing "distraction".. What could I do next? Learn new language perhaps? Speaks latin maybe..

Ooh I love to learn something new. Maybe bout time for me to start sewing my own clothes? Wahh.. Seronok tu..

Well the sky is not the limit for me.. I always go above and beyond.. Hoping to get to learn something wonderful this year..

Thursday, May 11, 2017


Been about a month I have been having insomnia every alternate day for unknown reason.

Despite being extremely sleepy before I started to dozed off.